Suicide Prevention
"When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." Fred Rogers
For many people, life at times is complicated, isolating, and overwhelming. Add to this puberty, geographic isolation, mood swings, and social media pressures, and the results are often turbulent. People often wonder how they will survive.
Robert Frost once said, "The best way out is through." Everyone on the planet has tough times. Everyone on the earth goes through situations they do not know how they will survive. At one point or another in life, everyone will eventually ask themselves, "What is the point of all of this suffering? How am I going to make it through this situation?"
Many people are familiar with the Victor Frankl quote, "Whatever does not kill me makes me stronger." There is truth in these words. However, it is not until someone has made it through the suffering that he or she can look back and reflect, "I made it through!" and ask themselves, "What did I learn from that painful experience?"
For those in the helping professions, we work to help people through the darkest of times, through the moments, hours, weeks, months, sometimes years, when their hope is gone, and the light at the end of the tunnel is not visible. We keep helping when people do not believe that there is any hope that things will ever change for the better. Why do we helpers do what we do? We, helpers, do what we do because we believe that there is hope, we hold fast to the belief that where there is hope, the potential exists for growth and opportunity for positive change. We believe that where there is hope, there is the potential for life and light and love.
When people are suffering, they often suffer alone. Knowing that there are people out there who care and who notice them and what they are experiencing can be enough to decrease the painful sense of loneliness that engulfs the sufferer. People often say, "Who am I to help?" or "What do I have to offer?" If you or someone you know is in a deep and dark place, with steep walls, offer some hope. Let them know you notice them and let them know you care. Often, people who see others suffering do not know what to do. Out of fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, they freeze and do and say nothing. As a result, suffering increases. Instead, take this challenge and let the people know when you recognize they are struggling. Let them know that you see and acknowledge them. Let them know you see they are suffering. If you can help them, please help. If you can not help, at least show them some compassion and offer acknowledgment.
Compassion is the recognition of suffering, combined with the desire to do something to alleviate the pain. As a society, it is time to honor compassion as an essential moral quality. As a collective, we must each do our part to instill this and teach this virtue to our children. We must help each other to feel seen and acknowledged and work to decrease suffering among us. Be part of the solution and do your part to reduce suffering. If more people commit to helping each other, in whatever ways they can help, as a society, we will see our moral fabric strengthen. That will uplift the masses and eliminate unnecessary suffering. At the least, if you don't know what to do to help someone, don't cause them more suffering. However, even if you do not know what to do, ask, "can I help you?"
If you or someone you know is struggling, look to the helpers in your world. Look to the caring people in the world who want to help. Look to those who recognize you are suffering. Have hope and trust that even when you do not see the path clearly, there is a way out of the darkness. Turn to the people who can guide you towards the light. Turn to the helpers who want to help you find your way out of the dark. There are many sayings to help remind you, "it is always darkest before the dawn, but the sun does rise in the morning"…and "April showers DO bring May flowers."
Perseverance is difficult, especially when people are physically or emotionally weary. Even when you can't see them, know some people want to help you.
When times are difficult, look to the helpers. If you or someone you know needs help, please ask for help. As a helper, reach out to people who you see suffering. If you are the one suffering, take the hand that reaches out to help lift you. Sorrow, pain, and feelings of hopelessness do not have to last forever.
Dr. Amy Vail, M.A., Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Olympic Valley, and Truckee California. She is the bilingual psychologist at the Tahoe Forest Hospital's Gene Upshaw Memorial Cancer Center in Truckee, CA, the Clinical Director of Squaw Valley Academy's Counseling department and a Reiki Master and energetic medicine healer. She works with adults, adolescents, couples, and families to find healthier and more satisfying ways to live their lives.
