Love is an Action Word
Friendship takes time to develop. Relationships require effort to maintain. Great relationships require consistent effort to sustain.
Most people have good intentions to keep their relationships healthy. However, when asked how they show their partner or friends how important they are to them, most people do not have an obvious answer.
When asked to describe how people they demonstrate to their loved ones that they care about them, some common responses are, "They should know I still care, we are still together," "I gave them a birthday present," or "We go out to dinner, sometimes."
These are pleasant thoughts, but they don't demonstrate to your partner how much they mean to you.
Complacency undermines success in relationships. Complacency threatens success in life in general.
If you want your relationships to be better, develop an action plan to increase satisfaction in your relationships. Consistent and concentrated efforts usually lead to success. Many people get excited about making positive changes in their lives — look at New Year's resolutions. Despite having good intentions and wanting to make positive changes in their lives, most people give up their New Year's resolutions within the first two weeks of January.
"A" for Effort
Make a concerted effort to show your partner and friends how you care about them. A few suggestions are:
Let your partner know you are happy to see them. Meet your sweetheart at the door when they get home. Look up from whatever you are doing when they enter the room. Make eye contact. Take a cue from a dog; wiggle and wag and rub up against them. Be excited to greet them every time you see them.
Make plans to do fun things together. Make plans to do things together, and put these plans on your calendar. Schedule time together and make time to connect. Make time to honor each other and commit to planning unique things to do together. Set dates with your sweetie and make plans for fun. Make plans together every week, month, season, and year; make special plans together that honor each other and celebrate your relationship.
Be playful. Life is busy, and if you do not make time for each other, you will not find time for each other. Couples that do not make time for each other, eventually do not want to spend time together.
Be affectionate. Touch your partner, hold their hand, rub their back, cuddle up next to them, and hug them. Kiss your partner, kisses that last more than two seconds. (One of the biggest complaints I hear from people in long-term relationships is their partners do not kiss them anymore).
Be kind. Kindness is one of the essential qualities of any relationship. Look for opportunities to demonstrate respect for your partner. Acknowledge and recognize your partner and their accomplishments. Listen to them when they are talking, really listen. Give sincere compliments.
Notice your partner. Help your partner feel seen and noticed by you. Verbalize you notice they got a haircut or look great in that outfit. When they don't feel well, acknowledge their feelings. Offer support. Ask how you can help. Ask what they need from you, then learn to offer what they said they need.
Communicate your thoughts and feelings.
Tell your partner you love them. Let them know when they have hurt your feelings. Tell them what you need from them. Share with them what you are thinking and tell them about your dreams. Please do not assume they know your thoughts and feelings about them. No matter how long you have been together, it is important not to assume your partner can read your mind. Assumptions cause trouble. Most unhealthy relationships involve assumptions.
Be honest. Nothing undermines a relationship as fast as dishonesty. A lie may seem sweet in the beginning, but it is bitter in the end, truth is bitter in the beginning but sweet in the end. People do not know what to do with liars. Lies create conflict. Most people do not like conflict. Again, be honest.
Accept responsibility for yourself and the quality of your relationships. Know that you are 100 percent responsible for your self. Know that you are 100 percent accountable for the energy you bring to your relationships. When you hurt someone's feelings, acknowledge the hurt feelings. Learn how to offer a sincere apology. Everyone makes mistakes. It is up to you to learn from and grow from these life lessons. Forgive yourself, forgive others, and move on with your life.
Do not dwell in the past or live in the wreckage of your future. Honor yourself. Do not settle for mistreatment of yourself or abuse of anyone. Know you are worthy of love.
Take care of yourself. Stay healthy, stay active, stay positive, stay interesting, stay motivated. Be the kind of person someone would want as a friend and partner in a relationship.
Photo by Noelle Otto from Pexels
There are 168 hours in a week.
Spend 15 minutes a day with the intent to focus loving energy on your partner, your friends, or yourself. Fifteen minutes a day adds up to one hour and 45 minutes a week. Fifteen minutes may seem like a tiny amount of time to make a big difference in a relationship. Try it for your self.
Set aside 15 minutes a day to tend to your relationship. By consciously directing your attention and attending to your partner and your relationship, positive feelings and goodwill increase. The benefit of this approach is evident, and the results are compelling. Commit to this approach for a week, and see how fast your relationship improves. Change can happen fast, and relationships can and often do improve quickly. When good feelings increase, people tend to find additional blocks of 15 minutes easy to come by. Dedicating the time and effort to the relationship is rewarding for everyone.
